draft

I was viewing my blogger dashboard today and realised that I have more posts in 'draft' than I have published. Reason: Many.
Sometimes its the lack of words or the insufficiency in which they present themselves. Sometimes its the lack of emotion. Sometimes the sudden scare to not let the feeling out in the world for people to see and interpret. Sometimes the need to remain secretive and sometimes just not enough faith.
As I re read these posts I went back to how I felt when I had saved these as drafts and left them unpublished. How my head functioned for that one second when I shut the window. Its strange, but almost always there was this fear. Fear of people knowing, fear of not being good enough, fear of hurting others.
So if I didn't publish the post about how my friends betrayed me, or how colours affect me, or how that one day I felt like going away...those were days I had the fear. Fear of being seen. Fear of being judged and the fear of just feeling like i'm in the "naked at school" dream. So I let it be. Wrote those anger posts, posts of disappointed, posts of love, posts of not being understood and then just left them safely where no one could find them.
So i'm going to now very quickly press "publish post" with the fear of this going down as another draft.