Just another morning.

"i got a feeling, that tonight's gonna be a good good night...."...Snooze. And Snooze. And snooze again.At least eight times to finally wake up with the crankiest look ever and with the certainty that tonight is NOT gonna be a good night. Damn the song. Its 10am, I'm probably late for class again...lets check. Grrrr...the net's not working!..sigh. *ponder* *ponder*...head tends to work at snail's pace for an hour after my "gumorning". After few messages and calls I'm told i still have time for class. So now what?!..I do have a lot of work lined up. But. Errrr...Lets see whats up with facebook:D...Oh and some kick ass chuck Norris jokes...maybe they'll wake me up (and they do)..An hour later, with no work done, i decide to go take a bath. Oops!!..how could i forget...its SIMS, there's no water!!! Ironic, since it is pouring outside..for a WEEK! If only the world wasn't conspiring against me...maybe..just maybe...i would get to class someday! But untill then...does anyone have a new movie i can watch???

The Ugly Crow

"oh do you know this said this to that and then that said this...do you know anything about it??" That's how probably all the conversations start. An inquisitive crow brooding with you to know more and discover more, just to back stab you later. Beware. In all the conspiracies of life, there are few people who just add to it. Add to it like the world's ending. Weren't you 'supposedly' a friend? ah i guess no. It isn't the first time any one's been betrayed but it still somehow tends to hurt each time and i stare in disbelief.
Don't lose hope in humanity, just lose it in those who pretend to be more humanitarian than the rest. Those who dwell in the belief that they are saints, who try and show to the world that they are trying to save humanity but displaying pictures of things they think will make a difference. You're not that person, you need to discover yourself. Sooner the better. For you and for the rest of us.
Picture this "a wall full of non profit organisations you've never worked for. A pendant to show that that you're spiritual. A cosmic smile to show the "peace" you're at. A friendly "are you ok"...these are things to watch out for. Maybe I'm just spiteful, but i have the right to be, after all the chaos you're caused in my life even before i thought you had. For the NON friend or just NON human than you've been. I'm allowed my share of vindictive thoughts. To slay you down and to take my revenge. But its just momentary, i know ill get over it. I always do..i hate that about myself..i never end up taking an action. I want to this time. I want to so bad. Ill let you knwo if i do. Keeping the flame alive. :/

Beat It!

Dish.Dish.Di.Da.Dish.Dish...Boom!...click click click. I suck!
Whoever thought learning something would be this tough. First of all, i tend to lack any sense of rhythm, i seem to have also lost my feet-head-hand-head (or something like that) coordination. Now its just me with my crazy bunch of lunatic limbs moving involuntarily to strike anything in sight. There's a beat and then there are sets and then oh wait..."just play whatever sound right to you"..."anything repeated more than twice, can be a beat"...aaa...eeerrr..excuse me..haven't you noticed...i don't get "beat"!
With a lot of huff-ing and puff-ing, i retire. Put my hat to rest, maybe i just wasn't meant to be good at it...quite like all other instruments that involve rhythmic sensibilities. The guitar failed, the piano committed suicide and the mike..well..lets just say he doesn't like being involved with me. So maybe its adieu to the drums. But maybe not. We'll just hold that thought.

Trio

544..that's where i first met you. While we waited for the tormentor to arrive, we spoke and ummm clicked(?)...then along came our first moment of nervous stage fright with each of us screaming "mera naam ________ hai". Minky came along somewhere here, we weren't much fond of each other were we now;) But in the middle of all the confusion and the madness called "upstage", we found each other and ourselves. The "Trio" was thus born.
With all the ups and the many more downs. The constant getting bugged and ticked off and just being off, i struggled through first year trying to understand the various mood swings and eventually developing my own.
Alwar. "oh so I'm going away for the weekend with my parents to alwar..wanna come??"....that's how it all began, i still don't get it how the trip materialised and how my parents tolerated the three of us.
Shimla. The trip that changed a lot, for the good I'd say. We would have never known each other the way we do now if it hadn't been for the fights and the discussions. The mad singing outside the compartment assuming no one could hear us, being told we were more entertaining than any television channel by a freaky man, ogling at Mr Phoelix and The-man-whose-name-i-can-never-remember through out our loooooong but extremely enjoyable (come on, it was fun) train ride.
Upstage. The one single thing which connected us at all times, our "only" life. All the performances, many embarrassing, many exhilarating, many stupid and many were just average. Dreading the "meeting" after each performance....hunting down cute men to letch. From Tarun to Ilu...it's been a long journey.
Men. Through Blue to Robinson to Weird men obsessed with Chinky. WE made it through. From making fun of them to telling each other how weird they are, to just consoling when things got really messed up.
Second Year. The year of the dreaded juniors. The year of Secret Rapture and Armaan. The year of Disaster for Upstage. The year of many confusions. The year of changing men. The year of Birthdays. The elaborate ideas and the constant planning:)
Final Year. I can only say ...THE YEAR OF THE MOST AMAZING JUNIORS. They taught us much more than what we did. We bonded over our one common love..theater. Moments of distancing. Feeling of jealousy caused by new found friends. The fantastic year of being roomies with one. and constantly wishing the other was there too. The year of going away. The year of McLeodganj with everyone. Exploring the darker side and becoming closer than ever.
With all my visits to Across, i remember the craziness and madness, the anger, the frustration, the love, the not talking. Here's to the TRIO! I love you two (:

PS: I dont think anyone will ever get me the way you do! eeeee!!

When you think its done.

You walk. pause. breathe. walk again.
With all the complexities of the world left behind, you continue to breath and feel again. The sun, the breeze. There's nothing like a walk in the rain. Solitude they say spells mishap..not for me. I love a walk alone. Though many around would find it unlikely, But there's something about it. Just to be able to walk miles without a reason. No one to make small meaningless talk with. Sometimes not being crazy and hyper is required, in my case its essential. Under the layers of chatter and oodles of energy, there's a me just waiting to be left alone. Someone mentioned how I'm scary ...and i am. When i feel cramped by the "many's" of the world...i retaliate, in my own complex way. women might be from Venus, but I'm definitely from Jupiter. Its been my favourite planet since i was young, there's something about the rings around it...its a layer to keep it away from the unwanted. Something i would love to have. Maybe i already do...self discovery..shall we:)
Considering how my thoughts jump, i pity those around me. Its weird enough to have to listen to my absurd-ities but to also jump from this to that. I love you for tolerating the madness. Lets keep it alive! (:

Confusion!

To do or not to do!
I want to. I don't want to. I can. I cant.
The "many" dilemmas in life. Its true its a roller coaster, sometimes is fun, sometimes scary...but no one every said SAD. or DEPRESSING. A "sigh" is what helps us 'move on'.
I would do this for me...but i would have to give up a part of me...many parts of me. significant parts of me. Decisions and troubles go hand in hand. One wrong move and tic tok bang thank you ma'am!!
Its like a really bad himesh reshamiya movie or a sonu nigam concert. Stuck.

To those who love.

You cry, whine, scream, shout, pee, puke, fight...They just..hold, comfort, love and love some more.
I hate children. I wonder each day how..just how could my parent love "me"!! Im annoying and rebellious. I was the most intolerable kid alive. The crankiest teenager and probably the most detached adult. But under ALL the lectures and scoldings...there was lOve. The kind of love which never goes away. You could kill a man and your parents would still love you...its not exaggeration..its reality.
Being far and realising that I might NEVER again live with them makes me feel miserable for being so "horrible/mean/busy/cranky". I wish it was 3 years ago..Id do it all over again. Much differently!
I Love you Mom and Dad.
It really sucks to be away!

Titty, Dick and Brains!

Once upon a time in a land not so far lived three 'soldiers'..Titty, Dick and Brains!
Each one with their own charm and their own tactics, beating the days with their will and gumption. Oh its just 2 months..we'll get through it. Standing by each other they promised to make it through and to make the "land" their own.
Titty rode the mighty horses, which zipped through the land unknown....engaging new enemies each day to get to the battlefield before the rest. Dick and Brains stormed through masses like swords of steal, maintained their calm to not let those around realise the fire burning in them. They pushed and shoved their way in and out of moving death to reach the battlefield of the unaware.
United by goblets of hot fluids and sweet surprise in a chamber they believed was theirs, strategising their next move "so what are we doing today?" At peace with themselves, they headed to their caves singing softly the belief to stay "forever young" and to meet again.
Each one had an enemy they had to battle. Titty suffered in the hands of the evil Casanova...who vowed to make Titty salve for him till the last hour. Dick had Lord Fluster to shake her and agonise her with constant opposing statements, she felt lost and frustrated. Brains fought silently each day with Lady Devil, who refused to assist her in her agonising hunt for unknown secrets in the land of the vast seas.
Their stomachs growled, hunger to be satisfied with the most menial of breads...made by the untamed beasts. Little joys like the red chariot for Dick or the Prince Charming of England for Brains kept their hopes alive while they fought the battle of their lives.
A little tavern around the corner, helped them forget their worries for a while, the super heroes and the handsome peasants there helped Titty,Dick and Brains forget the war they were fighting. But it would get over and the gruesomeness of the kingdom would return...stronger and meaner.
But they made it through. Their will and the red buttoned treats in their special place helped them get through.
And as long as they lived, their stories were told and retold in the land "not" so far away.

Ugly Fish

Some are mellow, some are fine...some are just abrupt.
the worst are the ugly kind! NO..I'm not being shallow!..."ugly" in the most non objective way.
So you turn around and "it" is missing...gone away because "it" didn't fit "it".
So "it" turns around and you are missing...you went away.
So you both grew and matured and the "it" didn't fit in.
"it" is all fine..
But if you turned around and "it" was still there to do "it" and the "it's" messed up.......eeerrr...UGLY!!
The wonders of the word IT...it helps me escape from the handicap. Its many meanings and words rolled in one:)

Counting Pebbles

All that you give and all that you deal and all that you buy -Floyd
One. Two. Three. Four. Five.....In all shapes and sizes. Placed close to each other to form a structure. The kind of structure with holds, stays and survives. Until ofcourse the "human" force hits it. Humans...probably..no..DEFINATELY the worst living beings on the 3rd Rock. Not only are we vicious and conceit...we'r also loving and caring and just wonderfully terrible. Imagine if there was no love..there would be no hate..no loss..no gain...no fear..no shame. Just Life! Emotionless Fantastic Life!
Maybe iv become a little too cynical about it all..dont blame me. I hope my writing improves...and this trashy trash can then be deleted:D

Maximum City

The "maya nagri" of India. Where anyone can make something of themselves. The city that never sleeps...and much more has been said and 'over' said about it. To me...it was a place i found myself. Again.
How many times have we stumbled and fallen on our face, bruised our ego, crushed our soul and moved on? Just brushed our knees and cleared our eyes.
Its the Bad, the Worse, the Ugly...there's probably NO good in the city but its brings out the best in us. Maybe that's why the affection.
April 19Th...a day before My Favourite day. It ALL began..the whirlwind, the turmoil..inside me and outside. The chaos, the uncertainty, the struggle, the confusion, the unknowing-ness, the newness, the joy, the grief, the heat...and the sweat!! *eek*
From struggling to get onto the Local to the Joy of getting off it...the many moods in an hour. The freezing temperatures inside and the sweltering heat outside...met in the middle at the pantry..."bhaiya do toast aur ek black tea"...hunt for JimJams and then the Mc Vities!
The wait to get done...walk to our "local" watering hole...Thanking God was never so much fun:p
The internal turmoil kept creeping up...built itself into a devil..a monster to eat me up..Shit said me..No said the city. Hold yourself...I wont wait for you. There's a world to be discovered, to be touched, to be felt, to be understood. And just like a phoenix it all burned out...and a new me was born. Self Discovery was never so much fun.
Maximum City Indeed. (:

EnchanteD!

A fascinating state with an even fascinating polity. Russia. The land of the Tsar and other confusing names!
From Ivan "the terrible" to Vladimir Putin...Its gone through a sea change without actually going through one. The wars were fought, kindom lost and gained. The beautiful capital of St Petersburg on the Baltic stood testimony to the rage of the Seven Years War and the many others that followed.
Russia, the birthplace of "revolution", they went on in all months...Feburary. October.Communists all through Lenin, Stalin and Trostsky leading to joining THE League to counter the Nazis.
The World War II became the Great Patriotic War and the Red Army swarmed all across Eastern Europe...and thus began the long era of the Cold War. "Cold" tends to seem synonymus to Russia. The weather, the Architecture, the Political Environment. A country so utterly mysterious surrounded by an aura of the dead. or maybe thats jsut mE. Its Love..of a different kind. The Sputnik and the Vostoks' went where no one else had. They gave us a lot more than we thought.
Dream to be there... To breathe the Air once exhaled by the Peters' and the Catherines'.
Till then...keep the charm and rejoice for you gave us THE Vodka.

Stories Of A Dead Butterfly.

She transformed into a something she didn’t know she would. But in her heart she dreamt of being a “fly”. Minus all the glitter and shine. Minus all the love and care. Just to be loathed and shooed away...she dreamt of it. Every day. Every moment. Her fragile heart, broken not once, not twice, but a million times...just waiting to get stronger but becoming weaker. Just for once....let her be...don’t try and catch her to make yourself happy. Just let her be. Shoo her away like you loathe her presence. Try and snap her down. She’ll be happier to die as the “hated”, than to die as the “loved”...Because DEATH she’s seen is inevitable...mere mortals they sniggered...she just laughed silently..mere mortals!

Her dream remained a dream...A much loved death followed.

Advertising Blues!

Every time i see a brilliant advertisement and my hopes rise, they are soon shot down by a manikchand or a baadsha masala!
Whatever happened to "new age" advertising and all the hullabaloo. Or did it just seize before if could touch the underdogs!
So picture this...we'r having our lunch and the television is blaring on about Dhoni and some girl's wedding with theatrics to match the wedding photographers coupled with a lot of cheesy shots and transitions and gory "oh-i-love-you" songs. Finally i sigh with relief coz it ends and the new Indigo advertisement pops up *in love*.... eeerrr...eeee...only to be interrupted by baadsha masaala...*sings* and the weird looking kids with oodles of make up dabbed on their messed up faces! (I'm not too fond of children and they dont even look like children) Why? why would anyone..just about anyone spend so much money and buy air time to show us THAT!!
If you'r ever feeling too "good" and optimistic about Indian Advertising and are high on Lowe Lintas, JWT or O&M...just switch to any..and i mean ANY Hindi News channel and be amused (?)

Upstage Sundays

Day: Sunday
Date: Sometime 2 years ago
Time: 10:30 am

Waking up to the clock on my phone and a message from Ilu asking if i was up, coz she was.
Meeting at 11..Across. Would i make it?? I dont think so. Would she make it??..Aaaa No. Would the others make it??...Definately NO!!
I would think i was over my First year habit of reaching before time and then making everyone elses life miserable..but i guess not. Getting ready in a frenzy and hailing a million autos to finally get one to Destination Across :D
Thrilled at my achievement of being "on my way" at 10:50, I message Ilu to check her status quo...only to be informed that it stands unchanged. She's up...!..and thats about it. I begin to grumble...and try all the other numbers. And Voila...everyone's UP...but thats about it. Its 11am.
After beating the traffic and the heat i finally reach...only to be greeted (eerrr... or not!) by Mr Old Fart Man and his lovely assistant "ill-clean-wherever-you-sit".
Slowly they all tumble in...
My anger's gone...
Lets move in and practice shall we...
Its 2:00 pm
Ill never learn ;)

Im back!

Scribble.Scratch.Draw.Fiddle.Think (or maybe not).Jump!!!!
....and this time im Public :D
After my very long hiatus it seems rather awkward getting back to it. Thats one feeling i get alot.."awkward"...errrrr...