Sarah Monkey James

It feels like yesterday that we sat on those steps and counted stars, searching for that one shooting star that'll make our tomorrow better than everyone elses.
I sat up all yesterday night looking for that one shooting star, hoping my today wouldn't be the way it is. Its amazing how grief has its own mysterious ways of showing up in our lives. And all i can hope for is that heaven is what our pretend kingdom was. Chocolate houses, pretty cakes et al. Minus the eVil witch of course.
Those crazy walks around the park. That laughing so loud, people thought we were nuts. The spontaneous sing and dance without thinking where we were. You getting those horrendous sun glasses and wearing them for almost 5 months just because they were D&G!! Singing "one of us" for what seemed like centuries. Fighting to eat the last slice/chip/bite. Thinking we'd become "cool" someday. (I still haven't btw)
Every single thing we did, seems like a dream today. As if all of it was always written in sand. I sat down in the morning and I realised how little i remember and how easily i let you go.
How maybe I could've made this magical difference somehow. Somehow we would still be hunting shooting stars together.
Still living in our pretend world of chocolates. Fighting the Evil with our super power guns.
Everything I can think of seems to end with a "what if", a question I keep asking myself. I know I'll never get the answer but really..what if..
Maybe that one call on Sunday would've changed this. Maybe I wouldn't have had to write this post. Maybe.
Sarah Monkey James, I don't know what happened, Nobody does. I just wish you could come back because I know you, I know who you are and you are NOT this person.
There is so much I can write to try and convince you to come back, only if that would work. Only if God really was one of us and he'd understand.

WiNteR LoVe.

That chill. Those red noses. The polar bear dressing. The constant sniffing. The cold feet (the literal meaning). The misty fog. The coffee and tea overdose. The snuggle snuggle. WINTER'S HERE!!! In all its Glory (:
When suddenly the quilt becomes our best friend and those thick colourful socks and gloves and caps and mufflers come out. We layer ourselves up from head to toe and step out in the chill. Smiling.
I love the feeling of a cold nose (maybe I'm weird) and of feeling the chilly winter air on my cheeks. The sun makes me happy and the tea happier.
Its my favourite season, with it starting with Diwali and going all through Christmas and New Year. There aren't any better months in a year:)
Here's to all the red green and white and all the celebration and to that peculiar winter clothes smell which i LOVE!!
Welcome back WINTER. Stay a While :)

People always leave.

There are people who come in our lives, stay for a while, change a lot and LEAVE.
Sometimes its for the best, but most of the times its not.
They become a part of our little worlds and decide suddenly that they don't want us in theirs.
Maybe we aren't worth their time, or worth occupying that space in their little/huge worlds.
Whichever way, what are we suppose to do then??? Accept it? Accept that we aren't worthy of their time?
Or Fight for it?
Don't get me wrong, I'm no talking about Love. I am not referring to those who we fall madly in and out of love with.
I'm talking about Friends, acquaintances. People who made a difference. Maybe they made us think differently. Act differently. Made us feel good about who we are Or simply made fun of us.
What do we do when they eventually get bored of us or maybe jut grow out of what we had? It could be your best friend, your next door neighbour, your roommate, a classmate, a complete stranger you had a drunk conversation with..absolutely anyone.
They are like these perfect angels who make everything seem right or at least give us the hope that things will be fine. We are the best around them, realising our potential, our strengths.
And suddenly when they go, everything comes crashing down. Maybe its God's way of helping us not get too dependant on anyone, on realising our worth...ALONE. Whichever way, they need to keep coming. Keep making us shine and be oh so bright. Because even when they're gone, the warm glow stays.
And its how positive we can be about it which makes all the difference. They aren't God's joke to us, they're this brilliance in disguise to make us keep going and make us strong.
Like the little butterflies we mustn't catch, we mustn't try and hold onto them too.
Let it go. Let it be. They'll come back if its in our DestinY.

.

Someone once said this to me "actions speak louder than words". I know,stale saying. But the way it was said and repeated and repeated again. It somehow stuck.
What we do is what defines us. We could preach amazing things and say even better things. But it always boils down to what we actually do.
I might not be too proud of ALL my actions but most of them are who i am. And the ones i do not approve of, are also who i am, or at least was. We can't erase History, that's the best/worst thing about it. Its sticks around and the more you try and suppress it, the more it surfaces :)
So just be okay with what you are and who you are, no matter how horrible you think that version of you seems. Because ultimately, there will always be people who will still love you for the worst version of you. And if they dont, then well its good to know sooner than later :D
Every little action has a story behind it, whether we agree with this or not, its true. Its the story which gets the reaction we refer to as "action". Life if full of millions of little pieces, millions of little stories defining who we are. Some we remember, some we let go. Both of the kind help us grow into the people we become and the people we will be in the future.

Let Rhymes be Rhymes!

Maybe Jack didn't really go up the hill with Jill to fetch a pail of water. And maybe the diamond in the sky isn't just about a star. And just maybe Goosey Goosey Gander is about prostitution and Sing a song Of Six Pence about Henry VIII.
Aren't our precious little worlds complicated enough for us to actually dwell centuries back and figure out the sexual, political and moral implications of the SIMPLE nursery rhymes our children learn today.
Do we really need to complicate and pollute the rhymes we joyfully learned and sang all through kindergarten and more?
Aren't our lives messy enough that we need to kill the Joy of rhymes too for us?
Ok, so some brilliant historian/philosopher/literary genius figured this "quite in the open" mystery. What do you want us to do??? applaud?? congratulate?? for ruining even the simplest thing we could call ours?
I'm happier thinking bah bah black sheep was just some lame rhyme kids came up with during their play time rather than understanding the taxation woes of 12th Century England.
Maybe I'm just being hypocritical considering History is closer to me than to most of the people. Being a student of History, such amazing "discoveries" should enchant me. But they don't. I know the history. I know what happened between Henry the VIII and the church, or how Mary Antoinette was shamed.
What I need to know is that the world can be simple again. I can't seem to stress on this word enough "SIMPLE".