Sarah Monkey James

It feels like yesterday that we sat on those steps and counted stars, searching for that one shooting star that'll make our tomorrow better than everyone elses.
I sat up all yesterday night looking for that one shooting star, hoping my today wouldn't be the way it is. Its amazing how grief has its own mysterious ways of showing up in our lives. And all i can hope for is that heaven is what our pretend kingdom was. Chocolate houses, pretty cakes et al. Minus the eVil witch of course.
Those crazy walks around the park. That laughing so loud, people thought we were nuts. The spontaneous sing and dance without thinking where we were. You getting those horrendous sun glasses and wearing them for almost 5 months just because they were D&G!! Singing "one of us" for what seemed like centuries. Fighting to eat the last slice/chip/bite. Thinking we'd become "cool" someday. (I still haven't btw)
Every single thing we did, seems like a dream today. As if all of it was always written in sand. I sat down in the morning and I realised how little i remember and how easily i let you go.
How maybe I could've made this magical difference somehow. Somehow we would still be hunting shooting stars together.
Still living in our pretend world of chocolates. Fighting the Evil with our super power guns.
Everything I can think of seems to end with a "what if", a question I keep asking myself. I know I'll never get the answer but really..what if..
Maybe that one call on Sunday would've changed this. Maybe I wouldn't have had to write this post. Maybe.
Sarah Monkey James, I don't know what happened, Nobody does. I just wish you could come back because I know you, I know who you are and you are NOT this person.
There is so much I can write to try and convince you to come back, only if that would work. Only if God really was one of us and he'd understand.