"arre madam, bahaut badiya ghar aaya hai. ap dekho toh sahi" and that's how the ordeal begins. Its a vicious circle and all we new bee mumbaikars get pulled into it. THE BROKER. Its easy to recognise the typical broker. Two Phones in hand, another one probably jingling in the pocket. A handful of keys. Friendly waves to people on the street in his "area". Untucked shirt. Hindi mixed with a lot of English. The smooth talker.
They'll suck your blood till you cant give no more. Which part of "My budget is 13k" translates to "acha toh aapka budget 16k tak hai na" ? I stare in disbelief as their "bahaut badiya ghar" unfolds itself in front of me in the form of a dingy no ventilation room in a building falling apart!!
Standing instructions mean nothing to them. So what you communicate over the phone to them or in person is forgotten within 2 mins and they begin to take you all over town showing whatever they want to show you and not what you want to see.
I think after each visit that i've seen it all and that it possibly cannot get any worse. But they outdo themselves and shock me with a creepier dingier and shadier place than the one before!
There was one straight out of a Ram Gopal Varma movie with "naina" scrawled across an entire wall and a cross dangling from the window. Another one had 15 children playing right outside it screaming and shouting, completely shoot worthy! Oh and not to forget the house that ended before it started. The broker coolly asks me to "have a look around" and i wonder what "around" is.
Most of the houses are brilliant from inside but are located in the dingy chauls Mumbai is infamous for. So you'll have ladies sitting outside in the corridor chopping vegetables, analysing you from head to toe as you walk by. Men roaming around in their vests and children, oh the annoying children! Also, the one odd roadside romeo leaning against the wall. As i stare in disbelief at the "good area" my broker insists on me seeing, i think to myself how i'll never find a livable home here.
Making you roam around the whole city in a cab is something all brokers do, but mine went a step further and asked me to hop on his bike! As i looked around to find a cab, i realised i had no option. Sitting was fine, not knowing what to hold onto was not! Grabbing the back of my seat and being horrible awkward I thanked my stars that the place was less than 5 mins away.
Its like speed dating. I move from one broker to another. With the hope to find a better one but end up as disappointed as i was when i my fizzle first fizzed out!!!
So pray for me, as i pray for myself each night,to help me find a HOME! :)
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